Digging deep

26 09 2006

I am very pleased with my tutor’s comments about my latest assignment but annoyed that I misunderstood the commentary/report section which dragged down my mark a bit.  Anyway the first of these two poems actually made me cry when I wrote it, making me feel like a real artist/writer!!!  My tutor did say the following which kind of speaks volumes:

I liked the way you broadened away from the past at the end of the poem and showed that the poet still felt a sense of bewildered hurt about the past, even with the passing of time.  This lack of resolution felt authentic.


Although I liked the thorny, slightly jarring tone to the end of the poem with the jagged rhythm suggesting there was still lingering anger about this relationship, it also felt that, as this poem was clearly written as an adult looking back at childhood, it also needed a little adult insight and forgiveness to give the poem some sense of perspective.

Ex- Best Friend

Blood and secrets shared by veiled lamplight,
Bracelets worn to prove the bond.
Every thought dissected
Like a biology  lesson – sliced and examined.
Pain and problems halved     
Until our midnight feast friendship,
Perfect to the point of cliché,
 Became a habit to be kicked.
Kicked  into submission, into oblivion.
I always thought I was to blame;    
Your dream boy chose me.  Twice.
But such simplification obscures
Your truly selfish strength,
My truly resentful weakness.
 But then what is true?      
If we spoke now,
we still would not agree:
Did I abandon you,
or did you abandon me?

I dream about you still, we are friends again, and yet 
I still compromise for you.  You still don’t see it.

Difficulty falling

Night stretched out     
Like a barren landscape;
Inhospitable, impassable. 
Leaden limbs writhing
On stone mattress,      
Under hessian sheets.
No pillow over the  head can block
The blinding splinter of streetlight,
The dull thud of the water pipe, 
The darkening roar of abstract thoughts   
My mind is a busy crossroads
With no traffic lights:
Horns blaring and cars crashing.
Until gradually breaths steady.
Elusive rest arrives.     
The landscape closes in,    
Legs lighten and bed softens , and
The splinter, the thud and the roar evanesce.

Mark: 69%




2 responses

3 04 2009
Post #201 « all five horizons

[…] Some poetry from my Creative Writing course about my ex-best friend who I fell out with and have nev… […]

3 04 2009
cogito ergo sum « all five horizons

[…] one day, I will have the courage to share what happened to inspire me to write a poem about a lost friendship, or how my family has been coping with a brush with alcoholism, or what makes me afraid to think […]

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