I call her Kiki

3 07 2007

Meet my Simpsons alter ego.


You can make yours at the Simpsons movie website. I found this via the incredible Jenny at ljc. If you haven’t read her site, then you should!

I really want to watch the Simpsons movie. I just hope it lives up to expectations.


Lazy post

19 12 2006

I have been trying to post for days and things keep getting in the way; work, life, TV… you know the drill.  I would like to find just a little bit of time so that I can start to do some creative things like make soft trees, or yummy food, or take some lovely pictures… I also want to get my wedding scrapbook done which I have been meaning to do since we got married three and a half years ago.  I am a little worried that if I actually purchase some scrapbooking goodies I will become a scrapbook geek.  It looks so appealing.  Where is my nearest Hobbycraft??

Anyway, so make up for not posting for an age, please enjoy these analogies courtesy of my OU Creative Writing bud, Jen.

Every year, English teachers from across the USA submit their collections of actual analogies and metaphors found in high school essays. These excerpts are published each year to the amusement of teachers across the country. Here are last year’s winners.

1. Her face was a perfect oval, like a circle that had its two sides gently compressed by a Thigh Master.

2. His thoughts tumbled in his head, making and breaking alliances like underpants in a dryer without Cling Free.

3. He spoke with the wisdom that can only come from experience, like a guy who went blind because he looked at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it and now goes around the country speaking at high schools about the dangers of looking at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it.

4. She had a deep, throaty, genuine laugh, like that sound a dog makes just before it throws up.

5. Her vocabulary was as bad as, like, whatever.

6. He was as tall as a six-foot, three-inch tree.

7. The revelation that his marriage of 30 years had disintegrated because of his wife’s infidelity came as a rude shock, like a surcharge at a formerly surcharge-free ATM machine.

8. The little boat gently drifted across the pond exactly the way a bowling ball wouldn’t.

9. McBride fell 12 stories, hitting the pavement like a Hefty bag filled with vegetable soup.

10. From the attic came an unearthly howl. The whole scene had an eerie, surreal quality, like when you’re on vacation in another city and Jeopardy comes on at 7:00 p.m. Instead of 7:30.

11. Her hair glistened in the rain like a nose hair after a sneeze.

12. The hailstones leaped from the pavement, just like maggots when you fry them in hot grease.

13. Long separated by cruel fate, the star-crossed lovers raced across the grassy field toward each other like two freight trains, one having left Cleveland at 6:36 p.m. traveling at 55 mph, the other from Topeka at 4:19 p.m. at a speed of 35 mph.

14. They lived in a typical suburban neighborhood with picket fences that resembled Nancy Kerrigan’s teeth.

15. John and Mary had never met. They were like two hummingbirds who had also never met.

16. He fell for her like his heart was a mob informant, and she was the East River.

17. Even in his last years, Granddad had a mind like a steel trap, only one that had been left out so long, it had rusted shut.

18. Shots rang out, as shots are wont to do.

19. The plan was simple, like my brother-in-law Phil. But unlike Phil, this plan just might work.

20. The young fighter had a hungry look, the kind you get from not eating for a while.

21. He was as lame as a duck. Not the metaphorical lame duck, either, but a real duck that was actually lame, maybe from stepping on a land mine or something.

22. The ballerina rose gracefully en Pointe and extended one slender leg behind her, like a dog at a fire hydrant.

23. It was an American tradition, like fathers chasing kids around with power tools.

24. He was deeply in love. When she spoke, he thought he heard bells, as if she were a garbage truck backing up.


10 11 2006

I am afraid this week has not been my most inspired but due to my meticulous planning, I had this little meme (how do you say this word?) which I found over at The Electronic Replicant all saved up. Filling it in, however, still took some thought.

1. Flip to page 18, paragraph 4 – in the book closest to you right now, what does it say?

From The Notebook by Nicholas Sparks (because I have been overload with literature lately and needed some fluff! And because I like the film!). And this is paragraph 3 because there are only three paragraphs on this page!

She’d known him for almost four years now; it was 1942 when they met, the world at war and America one year in. Everyone was doing their part, and she was volunteering at the hospital downtown. She was both needed and appreciated there, but it was more difficult than she’d expected. The first waves of wounded young soldiers were coming home, and she spent her days with broken men and shattered bodies. When Lon, with all his easy charm, introduced himself at a Christmas party, she saw in him exactly what she needed: someone with confidence about the future and a sense of humor that drove all her fears away.

2. If you stretch out your left arm – as far as possible, what are you touching?

A pile of files on my desk that wont seem to make themselves disappear. I suppose I really ought to sort them out at some point. But not right now, OK? I’m busy doing this.

3. What’s the last program you watched on tv?

That 70’s Show. Four episodes. Two from season 5 (on Trouble) and two from season 2 (on Paramount Comedy). I have a crush on Hyde in season 5. I dug the beard.

4. Without looking, guess what time it is.

2.15pm. It is actually 2.18pm so pretty damn close, wouldn’t you say?

5. Except the computer, what can you hear right now?

A printer, someone eating crisps, papers being moved, typing. Is it obvious that I am at work?!

6. When was the last time you were outside and what did you do?

I went outside about an hour ago to walk across the square to Pret A Manger to buy my lunch. I was out for all of 10 minutes. Brrr, its nippy today.

7. What are you wearing?

Euw, perve. If you must know I am wearing a brown long-sleeved sweater, brown trousers, black shoes, silver wrist watch, platinum wedding ring, white gold and ruby birthday ring, glasses, pop socks, bra and knickers. Detailed enough?

Funny story about my attire: I was walking this morning down the platform at London Marylebone from my train along with hundreds of other schmoes on their way to work in the big smoke when a man tapped me on the shoulder. My first instinct was that I must have dropped something, but he actually told me that my trouser leg was tucked in my knee high pop socks. How very attractive and non-embarrassing. I thanked him most sincerely, thinking to myslef how nice he was to mention it. There are many, many people (especially in the South) who would have let me walk down to the tube platform, then walk all the way to the office like that. I looked like I was an office worker who was going for a hip-hop flava. Not cool.

Another not so funny story about clothes. When I was about 10 years old, I answered the phone at home and a creep man asked my what knickers I was wearing and if I bought them from Marks and Spencers. I was not skeeved out at the time because I genuinely thought it was a survey and I started to answer him (being the obliging girl that I am), until my mum asked me who I was talking to and he hung up. Does it skeeve me out now thinking about it? I guess. Can’t say that pervert ever really affected me, I am thankful to say.

8. Did you dream last night? If you did, what about?

I dreamt about Hyde from That 70s Show. Hence why I think I have a crush. Well, I already kind of thought I did but now I know.

9. When was the last time you laughed?

When I was telling my co-workers about the ‘trousers in pop-sock’ incident. I generally provide daily amusement for my colleagues. I hope they appreciate it ’cause sometimes it hurts.

10. What’s on the walls, in the room you’re in right now?

2 clocks. 2 calendars. That’s it. I can’t wait to move offices – this one lacks soul.

11. Have you seen anything strange lately?

There was this girl walking down the platform this morning with her trouser leg all caught up – she looked like SUCH an ass. Oh hang on….

12. What do you think about this meme?

I think it is making me think way too hard considering this was meant to be a cop-out post to see me through to the weekend. Its been a hard week. Oh my.

13. What’s the last film you saw?

Practical Magic. For the zillionth time. As I commented on here, I love this film so very much. I wish I could do magic.

14. If you became a multimillionaire, what would you do with the money?

I would spend, spend, spend. Then give to charity because I would feel bad about all the spending. Then I would invest it so ricardo and I would never have to work again for money which would mean we could do anything our hearts desired. Then we would realise money doesn’t buy us happiness. And we would end up in rehab. And broke.

15. Tell us something about yourself that most people don’t know.

I am pretty much an open book. And the one thing that most people don’t know about me right now is a secret for a reason. It’s not a nice one either. So I can’t tell you. Sorry.

16. If you could change ONE THING in this world, without regarding politics or bad guilt – what would it be?

I would bring back root beer to McDonald’s.

Too shallow? Well anything that would actually make a difference seems too political. And it makes me worry that as human beings, we are doomed. We have so many flaws that no matter what you change there is always something else we are going to do to fuck things up. Sorry to be so bleak!

17. Do you like dancing?

LOVE IT. I wish I were a professional dancer. And performer in general. I dance at most available opportunities.

As Mystikal once wisely said,

Shake ya ass, but watch yourself
Shake ya ass, show me what you workin with

18. George Bush?

Not so much, no.

19. What do/did you want your children’s names to be, girl/boy?

Erin for a girl, but it has already been vetoed by ricardo. And Ethan for a boy. Also vetoed. At this moment in time, the point is moo. Its a cow’s opinion.

20. Ok, so I decided to make this a 20 question meme instead of the longer version. Does it still count? I am thankful for…

All those people in the world that make living in it a better experience. Family, friends, strange men telling my trousers are all tucked up, fellow bloggers and anyone else reading who leave comments (please comment!), Maya Angelou, …. and many more.